New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
