You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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