I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
