I wanna bring you to show and tell
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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