apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
