Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Send help, water and tortillas.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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