It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
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I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
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Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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