So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
