My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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