one two three fourrrrnication!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
