people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
