If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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