nut hugger
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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