I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
