If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
