Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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