Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
