My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
