I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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