you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
