JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
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dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
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How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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