Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
