come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
