I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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