I wish I could teleport
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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