Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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