is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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