Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
