so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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