you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
