I wish I could teleport
Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize