i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
