fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
