thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
