i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
dude. I can hear the air.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
