She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
