You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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