What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
