I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
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She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
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The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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