Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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