I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
