i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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