tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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