he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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