Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
