why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
