I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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