Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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