you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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