I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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