Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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