Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Randomize
