I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hope mine doesn't look like that
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
