That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
