nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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