I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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