i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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