i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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