Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Randomize
