just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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