Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
how does that bad decision feel?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
