I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
