College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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