I cockslap morals
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
