Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Are we in a gay sports bar?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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