Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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