I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
