just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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