Will you blow on my dice?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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