my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
