i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
