Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
