You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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