You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
