Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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