I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
