I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
