i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish you could order shots online.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
