FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
