Your face is a jimmy john
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
