fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
