Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
