i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize