One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
